11: love rules according to templar

Let me piss on this.

The first time I saw this book called The Rules of Love by someone named Richard Templar, a unit in my insides induced “the puke”  and I scampered (with my best Nike and knee pads at that) out of the Self Help aisle lest anyone I know would see me leafing through it and would call me a loser.

Yes, I am a hypocrite, thank you very much.

But in one hot day, I took a train to Deira City Centre and found myself immersed in the engagingly paper-smelling McGrudy’s some 30 minutes later.  Before I knew it, I was already buying books and one of them was this bestseller which I stashed at the bottom of my tote bag for fear that, again, people (even the cashier) would breathe behind my neck in my sleep and say , ” Loooooooooooser !!! “

OK, I am in a relationship right now and it is so easy.  Like I told my friends, I have never been in a relationship before that is “this” easy.  This relaxed.  And yes, this unlawful.  When I began reading this book, I suddenly felt inept and saw my very own relationship as an understudy to its very own existence.  Well, self-help books does make you feel that way most of the time.  This is why I fiercely move away from them as much as I can.  Imagine this . . .

Rule 10 Relationships Aren’t About Sex

Sure.  But sex is the initial brass tacks of my relationships.  I have been through relationships that did not meet my standards in terms of sexual gratification and relationships that required an average of 8 sexual trysts a week (with toys and all) so I think I can very well say that sex, in all its hollow reputation being aren’t all that, is a misguided rule.  In your first few years of marriage, for example, sex is the “it” thing to explore because come a decade of acrobatic lechery between two people, it gets tiring and both will be left with the more ideological stuff like raising kids and maneuvering life.

Sex, in fact, is a foundation of greater communication between couples.  I, for one, can say 6 sentences in a victory position more than I can say 2 sentences when my lover overcooks his broccoli.  I also believe that the tongue was created to institute words that will hold meaning to one’s rhetorical agenda but I also believe that it is also a talented muscle that can bring someone to a full orgasm even when he/she is not really searching for any meaning in this life.

I hope you know what I mean.

Rule 52 Make Sure Your Love Making Is Making Love

I completely disagree!

Lovey dovey is nice but most of the time, making love is having a conversation.  An immaculate face up of sounds and exchanges that both can enjoy until both are swell headed enough to come to bed and have dirty planetary sex.

Rule 14 Be Honest (While You Still Have the Chance)

Oh really?  CAN you be fully honest?  Correct me if I am wrong.

I have had a lovers who were pathological liars and I always end up knowing that they are.  It’s actually a talent.  I know people who lies straight into my face.  I just do.  I tell lies myself, so I guess it is nature’s way of coming around full circle upon my flawed existence.  I asked myself one time, “How do I lie?”  and came upon an answer that said, “Be honest about lying . . . at least to yourself and then wrap yourself with metal when guilt strikes its sword.”  Perhaps this is why I understand how lying can be helpful in my relationships.  In more ways than one, honesty ruins the thrill.  And the acme of romance.  It sucks when you are told that your face is beginning to have age lines, your sincere advice as nagging, your home-cooked meal to be really really bad, your soiled clothes stinks like shit or that your dream is worth a dime and will never happen.

After I published the tenth chapter of this book called The Drifting Siren, I told Paolo that it got a good following as it was read 25 times in 2 days.  He smirked and said, “You are lying!  No one would read an entry about your alter ego, moreover, about your adventures in writing! “  It was a slap on my face.  I was not even lying about the stat numbers!  I lashed back and said, “Don’t tell me you didn’t read it? “   He said, “I did.  It was a good write.”   There.  I knew he lied.  It was sweet that he read it and found out how interfused the writing was (but unintentionally recoiled to It was a good write, sweet sweet Paolo) but his honesty punctured my ego for being totally honest.

Rule 57 Treat Your Partner Better than Your Best Friend

No way.

I treat my best friend with complete and utter honesty and I would like to leave it at that.

Plus, I told my best friend every single detail of my wild life and I don’t intend to tell my better half about it.  It is none of his business and I don’t want to rekindle the past with present misinterpretations.  Let the past rock its sordid chair to watch the sun set.

Rule 68 Keep Talking

I like this rule because it speaks well of myself, a big talker as I am, but I also believe in shutting my mouth ever so often.  My friends are aware of how I blah blah my way to kingdom come every time I am invited to chat or to drink with them.  It was only recently when I lowered my alcohol intakes that I stopped talking altogether.  But that’s another story . . .

Talking is good because it bridges gaps and creates an overtone of understanding as we all know, but, like lying, talking has to be done sparingly especially between couples.  One of my best friends Kristeen Mills and husband William was induced to over-talking back in their courtship days, a chatterbox of woman Kristeen was until such time when she learned the art of listening.  She can’t help it then.  She was an independent, streetsmart asskicker and had friends like Gracie Villareal (may she rest in peace or should I say, may she blabber in peace) and yours truly who were, in part, magpies of our generation.

Even as friends, Kristeen and I had misunderstandings because of our kadaldalan (blabbermouthedness) back in the days when listening was merely an accessory to our  beatboxing fabulous lives of late night drinks and hypnagogic dancing .  We would even repeat stories to each other and have a deja vu moment.  It was hilarious! At the end of the day, our dialogues ultimately became synonymous to SMS messaging that we barely heard each other.

Oh I said so.

Oh yes, I knew it.

O – M – Geeeeeee !!!

Diba, gurrrllllllll ?!?

So, yes keep talking, but listen some more.

Rule 38 Don’t Try to Be Their Parent

Oh I tried but can I help it?  I was born a CF (control freak) and likes to be that way.

Let’s look at the forensics:

1.  I am a first born son.  I am also the very first grandson.  Everyone called me kuya (older brother in Tagalog), even my mom and dad.

2. I was the president of the English Club in high school.  I was also the Features Editor of our school newspaper.

3. I majored in Literature and Creative Writing which means I am a god.

4. Once a restaurant general manager, I now work in training which means I author the books.

5. I am a bohemian by heart and I use my heart more than my head which makes me stubborn and absolutely free from reprehensible speech, detestable opinions and flaky neuroses.

Makes sense?

The Rules of Love by Richard Templar

OK, I don’t hate this book.  Fact is, I liked it.  It was fun to read but I do recommend that you don’t believe in all of it.  I want you to trust yourself and attack this book with sheer confidence in yourself and command the world with this pipeline:  I am me with you.

So, in synopsis, I will share with you Templar’s 100 Rules of Love.  At your own risk.

Rule 1    Be Yourself  4

Rule 2    Get Over It Before You Get on with It  5

Rule 3    You Won’t Be Happy with a Partner Until You Can Be Happy on Your Own  8

Rule 4    You’ll Know Them When You Meet Them  10

Rule 5    Choose Someone Who Makes You Laugh  12

Rule 6    Being Less than a Hundred Percent Attractive Is a Great Filter  14

Rule 7    Don’t Keep Making the Same Mistakes  16

Rule 8    Certain People Are Off Limits (You Know Who They Are)  18

Rule 9    You Can’t Change People  20

Rule 10 Relationships Aren’t About Sex  22

Rule 11 You Should Know Someone Through All the Seasons Before You Make Any Major Decisions  24

Rule 12 Don’t Stay with Someone Who Doesn’t Care  26

Rule 13 If You Can’t Trust Them, You Haven’t Got a Relationship  28

Rule 14 Be Honest (While You Still Have the Chance)  30

Rule 15 Don’t Play Games  32

Rule 16 Don’t Paint New Partners with Old Brushes  34

Rule 17 Make Sure You Both Have the Same Shared Goals  36

Rule 18 You Can’t Make Someone Love You  38

Rule 19 Be Cruel to Be Kind  40

Part II    Rules of Relationships  43

Rule 20 Be Nice  46

Rule 21 Be Together Because You Want to, Not Because You Need To  48

Rule 22 Allow Your Partner the Space to Be Themselves  50

Rule 23 Look to Your Own Faults  52

Rule 24 Be Honorable  54

Rule 25 Put Each OtherFirst  56

Rule 26 Recognize the Signs  58

Rule 27 Be a Hero—or a Heroine  60

Rule 28 Accept the Differences, Embrace What You Have in Common  62

Rule 29 Houston, We Have a Problem  64

Rule 30 You Want to Do What?  66

Rule 31 Let Not the Sun Go Down Upon Your Wrath  68

Rule 32 Be the First to Say Sorry  70

Rule 33 Don’t Belittle Your Partner  72

Rule 34 Don’t Put Them on a Pedestal and Expect Them to Stay There  74

Rule 35 Don’t Dump Responsibility on Your Partner  76

Rule 36 Never Stop Trying to Be Attractive  78

Rule 37 If You Can Say Anything Nice, Do  80

Rule 38 Don’t Try to Be Their Parent  82

Rule 39 Don’t Be a Nag  84

Rule 40 If Little Things Annoy You, Say So—with Humor  86

Rule 41 Go that Extra Step in Trying to Please Them  88

Rule 42 Make Sure Your Partner Is Always Pleased to See You  90

Rule 43 Know When to Listen and When to Act  92

Rule 44 Let Them Know If You Don’t Like Their Friends  94

Rule 45 Jealousy Is Your Stuff, Not Theirs  96

Rule 46 Your Partner Is More Important than Your Kids  98

Rule 47 Make Time for Romance  100

Rule 48 Have a Passion for Your Life Together  102

Rule 49 Share the Workload  104

Rule 50 Trust the Other One to Do the Job  106

Rule 51 Be Part of Their Life  108

Rule 52 Make Sure Your Love Making Is Making Love  110

Rule 53 Don’t Control Them  112

Rule 54 Listen to What They’re Not Saying  114

Rule 55 Most Everyday Arguments Are About Something Else  116

Rule 56 Respect Privacy  118

Rule 57 Treat Your Partner Better than Your Best Friend  120

Rule 58 Don’t Be Offended If They Want Some Space  122

Rule 59 Men Like Flowers, Too  124

Rule 60 Keep Your Finances Separate  126

Rule 61 Contentment Is a High Aim  128

Rule 62 Be Generous to Each Other Financially  130

Rule 63 You Make a Choice Every Day  132

Rule 64 Don’t’ Be a Martyr  134

Rule 65 You Don’t Both Have to Have the Same Rules  136

Rule 66 Put Yourself in Their Shoes  138

Rule 67 In-Laws Are Part of the Package  140

Rule 68 Keep Talking  142

Part III   Rules of Parting  145

Rule 69 Listen to Your Own Internal Voice  148

Rule 70 Recognize That It Takes Two  150

Rule 71 Keep the Moral High Ground  152

Rule 72 Don’t Keep Reliving It Over and Over  154

Rule 73 Leave the Kids Out of It  156

Part IV Rules for Family  159

Rule 74 Don’t Blame Your Parents  162

Rule 75 Don’t Let Your Parents Control Your Feelings  164

Rule 76 Your Children Come Before You  166

Rule 77 Nothing Is Worth Falling Out Over  168

Rule 78 Treat Them the Way You Believe Is Right, No Matter How They Treat You  170

Rule 79 Don’t Pressure Your Family Just Because You Can  172

Rule 80 Never Be Too Busy for Loved Ones  174

Rule 81 Your Children Need to Fall Out with You to Leave Home  176

Rule 82 They Don’t Have to Be the Same as You  178

Rule 83 There’s Always Stuff with Siblings  180

Rule 84 Let Go of Your Role  182

Part V   Rules of Friendship  185

Rule 85 There Are No Rules  188

Rule 86 Your Best Friend Was Once a Stranger  190

Rule 87 Only Have People in Your Life Who Make It Better, Not Worse  192

Rule 88 If You’re Going to Be a Friend, Be a Good Friend  194

Rule 89 Never Give Advice  196

Rule 90 Find Friends Who Love the Truth  198

Rule 91 Never Lend Money Unless You’re Prepared to Write It Off  200

Rule 92 If You Don’t Like Their Partner, Tough  202

Rule 93 When One Finger Points Forward, Three Point Back  204

Rule 94 Friendships Change  206

Rule 95 Know When to Let Go  208

Rule 96 Bitterness Helps No One  210

Part VI Rules for Everyone  213

Rule 97 Guilt Is a Selfish Emotion  216

Rule 98 Love Equals Time  218

Rule 99 The More You Give, the More You Get Back  220

Rule 100   Other People Are Where It’s At  222