remembering bangkok 2: the correspondence


possibly written in 2007 when my world enjoyed the hues of gray and velvets.  my “negastar” days . . .

Joon Tacio is a good friend who now lives in Australia. Here’s a taste of his reaction on Remembering Bangkok 1:  Tonight, Not Again.

And my reply.

Read . . .

Dearest Jon,

YOU are a CREATIVE, GOOD and BEAUTIFUL person, then the universe will also allign that thought and it becomes YOU.Despite of our flaws, we are perfect….only if you think YOU ARE.

Jon,I feel sad that you have given up on perfection and bliss :((((((The cosmic forces are always alligning to keep our world as perfect and happy as can be, BUT only for those who are focused into receiving it.

As a friend, allow me again to screw your grey matter. Even if you won’t, i will do it anyway, so keep on reading.

Forget about your past relationships. If you are longing for somehow a perfect guy to come into your life, get hold of your notepad and pen and write down the things and traits that you are looking for in a guy that will make a perfect relationship, at least according to your expectations. On that list, eliminate the mediocre traits and things that may not be readily available from any guy. For example, your list should include:

– someone who understands me!

– etc.

For every point that you have listed, look into yourself. Then just like in my example above, list down your good, not so good and bad traits. Be honest. Then look at your list and examine it. For each trait that you have listed, ask the question: Would any guy be able to appreciate or understand this kind of trait in me? Again, be true. If the answer is yes, then continue doing this. BUT if the answer is no, the next question is: Would you be willing to discard this trait or work this trait out of your system? If the answer is YES, you know exactly how to work this out of your system. If the answer is NO, then you should at least be aware that this trait may be a trigger point of discontent for any future relationship.

Being AWARE of who you are, what you like and what other people expect from you is the key combination for any successful relation. ONLY when you are able to dig deep into yourself and SEE the real you, would you be able to say, you are ready for a perfect world and a life of bliss. Don’t focus into the faults of the other guy. Ignore this kind of thinking. Don’t finger-point. Rather, focus on the things that you have done right. Focus on the good things that you have just experienced in this relationship and remember to work it out in the next. Be in CONTROL in a POSITIVE, LOVING and FUN way. Remember, we are always in a learning process.

Here are some affirmations (or chant as others call it) that you can use everytime you are feeling down. It may not instantly alleviate your negative feelings, but at least it will jumpstart a positive thought that will work your energies to a higher level.

When feeling stressed-out at work due to pressure:

– I do my work in an EASY and RELAX manner, in a HEALTHY and POSITIVE way.

When feeling down:

– I am a child of a perfect UNIVERSE. My feelings have nothing to do with WHO I AM and WHAT I CAN positively and possibly DO.

The Bible says, “YOU are what you THINK.”

Jon, what do you think about yourself? If you think you are a good for nothing and miserable unlovable person, then that is exactly what the universe will grant you. BUT if you shift your mindset and think and believe that

Your beautiful friend,

Joon Tacio :))))

*************


My beautiful friend Joon,

Behind my disallied, sadomasochistic realm is indeed somebody who talks the way you do. Somebody who is willing to face the world, imperfect as it is let’s face it, and embark on sound portrayals of life and as I have coordinately emphasized, love, in all its diabolical wonders. You know me very well, honey. You once told me that I am a magician in my own right. Creating magic everywhere and with ANYONE I gather myself to speak to and very much instantaneous with my so-called spells that I can automatically haul somebody’s misery and turn it around with my feathery spells and wisdom-induced arias that I became famous for. On the contrary, the voice in my latest journal entry dared the unspeakable (by which you understood clearly) for which my abandoned self-esteem is still fracturing its mightiest as of late. We both know that recovering is a process, a chanel from which we rise again and at this point, I am still enjoying the thumps of bitterness because it works that way. At least, for me.

You say I write it all down. So, here I begin . . . exploding on paper and reenacting my sobered self, in search for the last fool ever to love someone like me.

I am . . . Sylvia Plath.

I am Lazarus . . . Phoenix.

. . . I do not crave for perfection.

I can die a thousand deaths and yet I begin again, a novice (my biggest mistake because I NEVER learn, but thanks to your constant grey matter meddlings, I will.).

I am really a shallow person in terms of happiness as I don’t demand physical pleasure when it comes to people I choose to love. I can love somebody who is ugly because I know that feelings create beauty not bones. Not even skin. I would want a lover who is confident and who will be there to fight for me EVEN when I make mistakes because I know deep in my heart that I CAN MAKE MISTAKES and that the prism will never get in the way because I am there to LOVE and not to MARRY the subjects of love. Go figure. I guess I need somebody who can love me for my flirtations, my constant perils with everyday life, my woes on existence, my anger, my celebrations on being ALIVE, my penchant for poetry in all levels and my obsession with walking by alleyways, cigarettes, music, crying for nothing at all, with strangers who will change my life forever and with serendipity. You know what, Joon, I have always fancied myself a faerie. I am a twink. A pogue with vinyl wings fleeting here and there but always, ALWAYS, coming home at the end of the day with the love of my life knowing, AND believing, THAT the world can always take a piece of me – – – but never THE ENTIRE ME because I know where I belong – – – TO THAT FOOL who have chosen to love me. And taking it from you, understand the above-mentioned affirmations.

As for HIS attributes:

1. Must be 30 to 40 years old.

2. Must know decency but not necessarily practice it. Total decency is boring.

3. Must be gentle in bed but never apologetic in anger.

4. Must know the value of God and family.

5. Must know what respect means, its definition being NEVER CHANGING ME.

6. Must never be afraid to criticize me in all levels

7. Must know how to cook because I will never cook for him

8. Must be a drinker

9. Must know how to resuscitate his flaws

10.Must be enthusiastic with idiosyncrasies and liberation.

11.Must love my brother and sisters and my close friends.

So, there you go. A start. Thanks eternally. I love you, you know that. And . . . I am no Oprah Winfrey but THANK YOU for being my Maya Angelou.

You are my idol, Joon.

Your beautiful friend,

Jon

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