they call me grumpy


1. THE THREE-SENTENCED INTRODUCTION

*** OH HI. Today I give a placid rebirth to Confessionings; my open journal to all my friends, who, throughout the years, have documented my woes, wants, needs, claustrophobia, love affairs, sex bouts and well, my trysts with beauty and pain. So, to the new reader, welcome. While you can, stop reading this (it may all appear to be another one of those crappy, self-obsessed articles if you may, and you will just end up suicidal and unhappy with yourself) because if you can’t, I will not be responsible for your foolishness – we all die alone, as you know.

2. TODAY IN DUBAI

*** HEAT IS OVERRATED. I have rashes all over my body for some reason I don’t know. It is the heat I think. 48 degrees today and absolutely burning up. The Dalai Lama was very much in my thoughts a while back getting a ride to work, under the relentless sun who was pointing its stinging rays at me (with magnifying glass) and I chanted IT IS WINTER IT IS WINTER IT IS WINTER, imagining the Dalai Lama smiling at me with his glorified assurance that it is indeed winter.

Later in the afternoon, I saw a group of young men bouncing out of the gym, endorphines very much obvious in their eyes and I thought, HOW COOL, they all look so happy. Just looking at them made me feel bored. Why is happiness so overrated? Why can’t these men bite their nails like me in this hot Friday afternoon rather than sweat it all out to save their ugly selves from nostalgia? Why can’t be I like them?

I am smoking right now. I affirmly believe that it is better to smoke during winter because it helps regulate the cold – hypothermia I think it is called medically – but I am a Buddhist and I KNOW it is winter, so I still believe that heat is overrated.

3. A SNIPPET OF YOURS TRULY ABOVE YOU SURVEY

*** I AM SELFISH.

I want to feel good all the time but always stricken by unexplained melancholy.

I watch LOST and GREY’S ANATOMY

I am in love with somebody right now.

I like apples, grapefruits and cigarettes.

I like the color purple. I am doubtful about The Color Purple.

I admire my mother for her tolerance.

I admire my father’s Sagittarian nonchalance.

I STILL love Tori Amos.

I’d rather read than have sex (oh so true)

I miss reading a hell lot. Work is a bitch, it MADE me feel UNREAD for about five years now.

I am a manager but I hate managing. I’d rather be managed.

I see beauty in everybody. Even with evil people I am so surrounded with day after day.

I have three best friends in the whole world and their names are Eldan, Elvin and Norman.

4. THE REAL ME

*** GIVE ME GLASS OF MERLOT AND I WILL ASK FOR WATER. It is not so new to me whenever I tell somebody that sunsets brings tears to my eyes. I always get the laugh of my life whenever I suggest to someone that Logic (the subject) is still something I cling to in terms of decision making. That genus is still the child of all problem solving. I mean, look, problems come from an embryo of what you have done, whether or not you can’t claim it as your own. WHY? Because each of our actions gives birth to results, we are just so afraid of responsiblity thus the defense mechanisms, the lies, the Judas washing of the hands et cetera et cetera. See? You are disagreeing! Oh I am so misunderstood!

5. MY WISH

*** I hope my mobile phone would stop ringing. Can I be dead for a day?

Pleeeaassseee?????

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