How do you describe evil? Do you evil?

Today, I saw this article courtesy of Here In My Head and I just had to smile a bit and finally found tears going down my eyes. It’s not the catastrophy of Tori Amos’ narcotic adventures brought to words bubbling beneath my dark elements but since then (it is that indescribable!) I breathed anew. There was an indescribable tingle. I understood me and my share of the hidden. When I called myself evil and when I used to call my lovers evil, I never thought I was hanging on the thought. That I was reading the senses of the dark as a stable piece of hedonism lying in my own body bed. Of course I denied that (we all do) but I had to write a collection of poetry called BLACK soon afterwards. It may have sensed it, the entire work especially in times when I can’t show them even to my closest friends but it is THERE. Unread by few and tickling the wounds of my reclusions, papered and all.

So this is Tori and her words.

The coldness of hell.

To visit Father Lucifer, to have a moment to dance… to go down in the dark, to visit with the dude! Not these Little prince of darkness wannabes… some of them are cute, but to visit the real energy force that has held the darkness: you go there with honor. And that takes a very big heart to hold the place of shadow. When I went to Lucifer I learned many things. But that whole thing of, he didn’t see me watching from the airplane, he wiped a tear and threw away our appleseed… there’s so much religious reference and metaphor coming back full circle from the myths. A part of her loved Lucifer, a part of her tried to find him in so many men that couldn’t carry his energy.”

[Tori Amos, B Side, 05/96]

“So, um, when I came home I guess it was at Thanksgiving because I remember a bird and forks going down at the table, when my father said to me, ‘Tori Ellen, I can’t believe you wrote this song about me.’ And I said, ‘I write everything about you, what are you surprised about?’ And he said, ‘No, but I’m really hurt about this one.’ And I said, ‘Well which one is it?” And he said, “well, you called me Satan.” And I said, “No! I was taking drugs with a South American shaman and I really did visit the Devil and I had a journey.” And he went, ‘Oh, Praise Jesus!'”

[VH1 Storytellers]

“Father Lucifer is really about going to have a cup of tea with Lucifer, which I had to do. Now, when I say Lucifer, I’m talking about the feelings that we hide from ourselves [not something that’s twisted and evil, like during the Inquisition when they used Christianity to torture people. That’s Satanism.] I had to go in this record when I was trying to find parts of myself that I had not let scream and dance and have a tear. I went to go visit Lucifer to get my talisman, which means my little magic key that took me to the places that I hadn’t let myself go. That’s really about having a little tango, a little dance, with Lucifer. The idea that Dark is not a scary thing if you go in there understanding there is a purity in Darkness. There’s also a lot of distortion in Darkness. It’s a choice where you want to go, and I wanted to get to the truth, not to the drama and to keeping me from the truth.”

Have a good day. At least, try.

About this entry