1: negastar

Word Etymology:  Negastar

–  coming from the root word negative

–  a “nega” is a person who dwells in negativity, more often associated with the beauty of melancholy and a string of fabulousness that goes along with each strike of sadness, suicidal tendency and gloomy theatrics.

–  a “star” is a person who is celebrated or distinguished in some art, profession, or other field.

–  combined NEGA STAR, a beautiful, tragic and hopeless negative person.

Are you up to it?  Are you really up to it?  Or you just want to do it because it will make you appear 50 per cent cooler that you already are?  If you decided to do it, then you are on for a home in the negative realm happily doing something you actually detested and fooling yourself to the maximum for the sake of being a delightful cake fit for everyone’s eating but definitely unfit for you:  a self-deceitful scumbag who ends his day plotting his own suicide.

Do you choose to get angry for the whole day?  It is so easy really.  You throw fits to the people around you because you selfishly want to be regarded as “the angry one” – the god who shares the blame to mother earth because life is so unfair.  The people around you talk in whispers, not looking at you eye to eye. You smile in defiance knowing you are indeed untouchable.  You scream your way throughout lunch, not minding looking ugly and in accord with negativity because there is so much power in it.  At home, you half-wished you commended someone for his good job because you know deep inside that making someone happy is actually something that makes you happy.

Your date canceled and you are drawn to the word ugly, unlucky and fuckfuckfuck because there is no other way to live with the rain of circumstances than to be soaked in it.  Who cares about sunshine when it is too beautiful to live in the murk?   To open a bottle of vodka and stare blankly over schmaltzy music as you relate to every single lyric to every single poignant song that comes along.  You go to bed drunk with thoughts of rejection and animated declarations of unrequited love and wake up the next day hating yourself for being pathetic.

You fail to accomplish something because you can’t do it.  Or too lazy to do it.  There is nothing easier in this world than be lazy anyway.  And guess what? It is so sound to be able to NOT DO anything and let things go by the law of lethargy.  Work is ever annoying anyway as there are better things to do than sitting down, working on something that’s responsive to results.  You look at your frail, unsunned skin and play KORN on your CD player, loitering on your impatient rebellion because, in more ways than one, nothingness is bliss.  You survive your years hating the world and hating yourself for nothing.

It is all about soul.  It is all about emotions.  Who cares if you landed on the wrong decision.  Understood, life is a complex universe but you choose to wayward your mental compass and let it glide to self-indulgence, well, because, as usual, it is the easiest thing to do.  You lose something and you wallow on what you have lost, thinking that you are the most unfortunate man in the world for losing something you need.  And then you realize that you actually need it to save your soul from your own disorders.  Did you even ask yourself if need is indeed the permitted tenure of your situation.  Did you even realize that it is really just a prerequisite to your own selfish will like making you richer, happier, sexier, fuller or more appealing?

Someone dies and you die with him.  That’s the way of love.  A world without a loved one is a world that should stop breathing.  Again and again, the customary reconsidering of the need to connect with an organism to complete the equation.  So, if a beloved passed away, the insurmountable undertaking is how to revive another deity – which is so difficult to do – so you sit in a rocking chair and rot with the poetry of breathing death:  mourning.  This is why you sway the idea of moving on because there is no one in the world who can make you feel complete than the person lying lifeless 6 feet under.

Did you ever wonder how selfish you are?  Especially to your “SELF” ?

Your adored deceased would have splashed cold water all over you had he seen you sitting comatose because of despondency!  Think about this.  You mourn for your loss not the loss of yourself.  If you think your sorrow would save more starving children in Africa or feed the Buddhist monks in Nepal, then decompose gladly with your whining and disputes on lamentation.  Dream on.  You are only fooling yourself.  Try looking deeper.  When you were crying at the funeral, you were not crying for himself or his helpless body inside the coffin.  You were crying for yourself because he left you. There is nothing more embarrassing than abandonment, right?  For all you know, your dearly departed is free of your irksome snores, your intervening nature, the demanding world, his painful disease, traffic and generally, life’s swindling ways.  Macabre-like, I would also want to emphasize that going down the hole with your loved one means unsurpassed guilt, so, as much as you can, make amends and tell your loved ones how much you love them.  This is the quickest way to make peace with death.  And to celebrate life.  It is the only one you HAVE at the end of the day.

Do not trust your emotions.  It is actually a clown who farts his way out of making you cringe with your crafted pain.  Your emotion is also a painter who is post-modernist.  His use of brush is fashioned in disarray, thus, it is almost indecipherable to look at.  Stop looking.  Stop looking for proofs.  It will only make the journey snaky and filled with road signs that is even more bewildering.  Instead, taste it.  Use your head and connect it with the universe that you dwell in.  Go for it.  Jump.  So, you will know how it caresses your tongue or whether it is even edible.  Smoke a joint, fight with someone, run naked under the moonlight or brave an anal sex with your partner instead of plotting more money, more adoration and more power.  Everything in this world is short-lived.  Instead of living for greed, live for encounters.  You’ll see.

Whether you are in a relationship right now or not, nurture yourself more than anything else.  Dwell in working because it makes you feel better with yourself.  Accomplish something for the good of everyone because it will absolutely come back in ten-folds.  Balance is the only religion that is worth summoning, needless to say, so, be rest assured that what goes around comes around.  In bits and pieces, in magnified form and in situations.  Like work, your relationship is also worth keeping your watch for.  It does not come easily – the bond can take gazillion of years to work like clockwork – especially if there are bottled up passion brimming nicely between two people.  Cliché as it is, but love, in all its grandness and shaded façade, is a lot of work.  Love procreates relationships but not necessarily alleviate its wondrous promises.  Remember, it will always start from YOU.  Work out love with freedom and laughter.  If there is gas, there is oxygen and we all need to breathe, not suffocate each other in liaisons of different shapes and sizes.  So, breathe.  Breathe.  Breathe.

Most of all, like work and like love, HAVE A GREAT RELATIONSHIP WITH YOURSELF.  This is a vast universe and there are a lot of things to delve into.  The self is a vigorous matter that consists of chemical compounds that is susceptible to sensations and formidable musicality and most of all, it has the brain that transmits waves and can make things, even intangible things, redistribute on its own.  And the self is YOU.

YOU are so powerful but so blind to see.

Also, it is a beautiful life:  dance, cry, be kind as much as you can and open your eyes wide because the next possibility is just right around the corner.  You’ll see.

Or be your own negastar, fabulous and repulsive at the same time.

At your own risk.

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